Updated: Aug 31, 2021
i hate to think about the sound of my own breath the sensation of breathing always seems to startle me i can never seem to hold a rhythm my lungs are always off beat, off time, just too far behind i remember the times before when i laid with others, and tried to sync my breathing with theirs i was desperate to find a rhythm, a pattern, i wanted to stop holding my breath but i could still never keep up i still couldn’t stop trying to hide my breathing i couldn’t stop trying to hide the fact that i was alive until suddenly i was choking because i was so worried about what my breathing wasn’t that i just forgot to breathe at all i still breathe off beat my lungs still struggle to catch up with my body’s natural pattern but it has a rhythm all its own and it’s perfect the way it is
Lavender is a biracial black disabled lesbian artist and educator living on Massachusett and Wampanoag land (Roxbury MA). He enjoys writing poetry, journaling, and oracle card reading as a part of his spiritual practice. He also works with local community organizations to help educate and provide resources for vulnerable and marginalized communities. For more content of his, follow him on Instagram (@stemmonade).
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