The Limit Does Not Exist by Daylan Fabiano

Born and raised in Mitchell’s plain Cape Town South Africa,

born 7th June 1996 (Grootus schuur hospital) on a cold rainy Friday,

my mom said I was her biggest headed child so I hurt her the most

(lol) I always felt bad.

I grew up with my parents and 2 siblings in our house.

I have an older brother and a younger sister.

Growing up, I always knew I was different,

but as a child,

I wasn’t exposed to the knowledge I have now of course.

To me, playing with Barbie dolls was okay but to others, it wasn’t.

To me, being a bit more flamboyant than other male lads was okay but to others, it wasn’t.

Me wanting to be around female friends and my female cousins more than the males was okay, but not to others.

When I was younger, I’d say I was very loving.

I was told I always had a smile on my face.

I was very kind and would go to anyone with open arms,

and personally,

I can say that hasn’t changed.

Up till today, I’ve continued to stay humble.

School was .. okay.

I had some extremely fun, happy, rewarding moments

and then I had my extremely not-so-fun, embarrassing moments.

From primary school (Jamaica way primary)

up till high school (Portland’s secondary school),

I always found myself surrounded by a group of females.

It wasn’t new to me.

It was my comfort zone.

It’s what I got used to.

Boys would call me names of course because

they were obviously jealous

as to why this Daylan boy was always with these girls

and the girls always wanted to be around him.

And of course that’s when the name calling began -

the famous one -

MOFFIE.

Now clearly, kids that time

and still today

are being brought up in this uneducated way.

To them, I was too flamboyant

(which I was)

and had a high pitch voice at the time

(kinda still do lol)

so yeah.

To them, I was that moffie that played with the girls

but it was obviously jealousy

because I mean

I was a pretty boy too.

Anyway,

being called these names was obviously heavy on me as a young boy

not knowing what he was actually going through.

It confused me but I ignored it.

I always did.

Someone could shout it out in the corridor while I’d walk through

and I’d just walk past with my head down

or continue speaking to my friends like nothing was happening.

I decided to give dating a chance,

seeing that it was the norm,

and girls kinda liked me in that way

so I just went with the flow

(it was the right thing to do).

I dated girls,

realistically about 2 which were actual girlfriends,

which meant something to me.

It was real love.

This happened around grade 8 moving onto high school.

High school was basically the same thing.

I went through it all again but just stuck to myself,

found friends I felt comfortable with who I could be myself around,

and I was just that person they accepted -

this fun,

charismatic,

short little boy.

It was only after high school that I actually came out.

I was never exposed to the gay world.

I never had gay friends really.

Only one and she was a female.

We are still friends today

and I love her so much.

But after high school,

a year in,

I gave modeling a try.

I was always into photography

and being in front of the camera was something I liked doing.

I always entered modeling competitions in school and won

so I was pretty confident,

but still a bit introverted in a sense.

I started in a modeling academy and it was fun while it lasted.

But in that time of my life,

I was exposed to the “scene”

I had more flamboyant guys around me,

just more people that seemed the same as me,

and I found comfort in something I wanted to be around.

I remember one night I was taken to a gay club called “Crew”

and the people I went with kept telling me,

“Daylan, it’s your first time going to a gay club!

You’re going to be like fresh meat so just stay close.”

In a sense, I was excited

but nervous at the same time.

But basically

y’all know what happened

blah blah blah

I had my first kiss.

That was,

Of course,

when I knew uhm,

yes,

this is what I want.

you know any gay boy can relate I think,

so I mean long story short

I had more experience around the same community as me

I experienced more with guys

I had the moment where I was honest with myself

but didn’t want to be that honest with the world yet.

I came out to my friends

one by one

I remember I wanted to be alone with each of them

just so we could have that moment,

then eventually,

I had the courage to come out to my parents

but as Bisexual

and said I was confused about my sexuality.

It was pretty hard for my parents

not going to lie.

Ministry runs in my family

so it was definitely something I was afraid to face.

It was a little weird for me.

I thought my mom would be more accepting than my dad at the time

but it was the other way around ..

but eventually

after having my first ACTUAL boyfriend and bringing him home,

things got better

and more acceptance, as a family, came into play

and I felt more at ease as time went on.

I always say I was reborn when I came out to the world

because that’s when I feel like everything changed.

This meant that I could be my truth,

my authentic self.

Feeling fresh and “reborn” after my first and last (gay) relationship

I wanted to explore my hidden talents,

and take care of me

and make me happy first instead of the next person..

Now, I believe everything happens for a reason,

like Ariana said,

“I’m so fucking grateful for my ex”

If he didn’t tell me that one day I remember

“I don’t like you wearing makeup,

I’m not dating a girl,

you’re not Kim Kardashian,

you’ll never be”

it stuck with me, you know.

It literally made me feel like

“holy shit,

Am I never going to find love because of being my authentic self?”

Now I won’t go any further

but basically that stuck with me

and I decided to take what I actually love doing

and turn it into a craft.

Something I can be really good at, you know

I mean if I didn’t start taking makeup seriously and showing off my skills,

I don’t think MAC Cosmetics would’ve reached out to me.

So hey I’m doing something right, aren’t I?

2019 was the worst year for me.

This was the year of my breakup and just going through it.

It’s genuinely something I’ve never felt before.

I think 2020 is the year I decided to go for me.

It started in lockdown.

I joined a makeup challenge and decided to show me off,

take the chance of putting myself out there like I never have before,

and the response has been nothing but amazing.

In all honesty,

as soon as I started being more active on social media,

my following grew on tiktok,

one of my videos went viral of me walking in heels,

(it has over 6 million views)

I decided to take Instagram more seriously too.

From there, I’ve been using my platform to showcase my talents and my personality.

And my followers are so supportive,

so much love,

hate too

but at the end of the day

you have to stream it to hate it.

Ever since then,

I’ve been getting approached by local brands to review their products

and just do content for them in general.

Recently people have been wanting to interview me

which was always nerve racking for me

but I’ve been wanting to open up to my audience more.

So I guess this must be a sign.

It’s only up from here.

I’m inspired each and everyday by all the talent

local talent

I see everyday

and makes me want to collaborate with more creatives

and make magic together.

Whatever it is, I look at myself as very versatile.

You can lay me in earthworms and I could sell them for you.

But I love how I’m growing currently

and the support I get is big,

and I’m honestly really appreciative of that.

It warms my heart to the point where I want to shed a tear

The future is bright.

I would say my work is my passion.

Imagine going to work everyday

or having a job where you’re happy to wake up every morning and start your day.

You know you’re going to learn something new.

You know you’re going to grow every step of the way.

Makeup is art to me, it’s my passion.

I express all of my emotion through it.

I can find time in my day to put a smile on someone else’s face

and make them feel confident.

That’s the best part.

Where there’s passion, there’s growth,

and growth is limitless.

And I intend on growing

every step of the way.

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Sacrosanct is a community blog that amplifies the voices and art of LGBTQ2IA+ BIPOC. As a digital space for marginalized folks to self-define, self-actualize, and heal, Sacrosanct is firmly situated at the core of intersectionality while also providing mental health and community resources made for and by LGBTQ2IA+ BIPOC. To fund these LGBTQ2IA+ BIPOC artists for their contributions to the platform, consider leaving a donation here and follow Sacrosanct on Instagram and Facebook.