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i don't know if it was worth it by heidi anne rogers

Updated: Sep 2, 2021

Lately I’ve lingered longer

beneath the covers

Avoiding the face time

I’m sure to have with the mirror

And even if I elude its gaze

The clothes that use to adhere to my body

Now only serve as a reminder

That my body has expanded—widened—-thickened—-broadened

I thought I finally found the balance

Between my disordered mind and my body

I danced, I cried, I called for wine and good conversation

But my body failed

What a fool I was for thinking

there wouldn’t be a price

for trying to end my own addiction

My body can’t account for the history of a disordered mind

The choice to stop counting calories

Didn’t mean my body could suddenly eat

In my mindless joy—-my body began to latch onto every calorie, just like how I cling to the covers in the morning

Blankets of fat attach and adhere to my skin.

It’s a form of punishment

I tell myself

How dare I feed a starving body?

- I don’t know if it was worth it

i don't know if it was worth it by heidi anne rogers


Sacrosanct is a community blog that amplifies the voices and art of LGBTQ2IA+ BIPOC. As a digital space for marginalized folks to self-define, self-actualize, and heal, Sacrosanct is firmly situated at the core of intersectionality while also providing mental health and community resources made for and by LGBTQ2IA+ BIPOC. To fund these LGBTQ2IA+ BIPOC artists for their contributions to the platform, consider leaving a donation here and follow Sacrosanct on Instagram and Facebook.

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