Lately I’ve lingered longer
beneath the covers
Avoiding the face time
I’m sure to have with the mirror
And even if I elude its gaze
The clothes that use to adhere to my body
Now only serve as a reminder
That my body has expanded—widened—-thickened—-broadened
I thought I finally found the balance
Between my disordered mind and my body
I danced, I cried, I called for wine and good conversation
But my body failed
What a fool I was for thinking
there wouldn’t be a price
for trying to end my own addiction
My body can’t account for the history of a disordered mind
The choice to stop counting calories
Didn’t mean my body could suddenly eat
In my mindless joy—-my body began to latch onto every calorie, just like how I cling to the covers in the morning
Blankets of fat attach and adhere to my skin.
It’s a form of punishment
I tell myself
How dare I feed a starving body?
- I don’t know if it was worth it
--
Sacrosanct is a community blog that amplifies the voices and art of LGBTQ2IA+ BIPOC. As a digital space for marginalized folks to self-define, self-actualize, and heal, Sacrosanct is firmly situated at the core of intersectionality while also providing mental health and community resources made for and by LGBTQ2IA+ BIPOC. To fund these LGBTQ2IA+ BIPOC artists for their contributions to the platform, consider leaving a donation here and follow Sacrosanct on Instagram and Facebook.